Talking of talking...

This morning I tweeted:
"People should be banned from talking on public transport until 11am, my brain is still asleep. And mobile phones banned til midday".

I was infuriated! A woman in the seat across from me was on her phone for the entire duration of my morning commute. I can't imagine that the 'victim' on the other end of the phone was loving it, either, by the sounds of it they didn't manage to get a word in.
Some of my highlights of the exchange,
"Hello, HELLO, oh, I lost you for a second there",
"I have brought an extra sandwich today, I was hungry by 12 yesterday",
"I am just moving seats, I missed my stop last time I was on the phone... No! I said I am just moving seats... JUST MOVING SEATS, I MISSED MY STOP LAST TIME I WAS ON MY PHONE!!".

Surely this conversation could have waited? Or, better yet, not happened at all!!

If it hasn't become apparent already, I am not a morning person. I am still half asleep on my way to work. I want silence.

I enjoy talking. I would say I enjoy talking more than any other activity there is. However, there are places I don't like talking.
I hate people talking behind me in the queue for a cash machine. I despise it when people talk to me while I am eating, unless it's a 3 word or less review of their food, like "this is nice".

Mobile phone conversations infuriate me in almost all public places.

Talking in the cinema, strangely, doesn't bother me. Once, a group of friends and I went to see the remake of Friday the 13th, and we talked all the way through it, it made the film bearable.

The worst one, in my personal experience, is in nightclubs or at gigs. If somebody is dancing, they are clearly enjoying the music or song, DON'T GO OVER AND TALK TO THEM!! WAIT!! There will be a point when they aren't dancing, save your vital remark, review or question until then. Otherwise, they will see you as the type of person who talks to them while they are eating, and talking in a restaurant will have a negative affect of your relationship.

Happy Valentine's day everybody.

I'm 29

Well, since my last post, I have grown another number closer to 30. These last few years it makes more sense to me that it is a good thing having a birthday at the end of the year. On my last couple of birthdays I have looked at my life and the things I want to change, and I can mull them over and eventually commit to them as New Years resolutions. They usually turn out to be a bit unsuccessful. So this year I am going to use this here blog as a tool for keeping to my resolutions.

I am not going to attempt anything massive. Obviously the usual "lose some weight", "stop smoking", "get a better job", "save money" resolutions still apply, but I will almost certainly commit to none of those. Instead, I would like to learn to do things in 2013.

Yes! I want to use 2013, my last year before turning 30, to learn how to do things that I can't do and usually wouldn't want or need to do. Including, but not limited to...

Learn to Cook
Yes, I want to be able to cook, and cook good. I want to make Curries and Chillies and Pasta dishes all from scratch. This is the main one. I really enjoy food, I am enjoying food more the older (and fatter) I get. So I really want to enjoy the food I cook. I plan on sticking to this, even if I stick to none of the others.

Learn how to use my camera
In 2011 I bought myself a camera, and I love it, I used it loads and took some pictures that I am genuinely proud of. Since the end of this summer, I have hardly used my camera, and this is a bad thing. I think, that if I knew how to use my camera to it's full capability, and how to edit pictures to a greater level, I would use my camera a lot more, so this is what I plan to do. I want to take photographs, lots of photographs.

Learn to read
OK, that sounds a bit odd. I can read, but I don't read. In my 29 years I have read a handful of books, all of which I have enjoyed. I love a good story, I love films and comics, I just can't seem to finish books. I need to teach myself how to get in a "reading zone".

These are the main 3. Of course, there are a few others which I will attempt, but for no real reason other than this being my "learn stuff" year, such as:
Learn to play the guitar
Learn how to write creatively
Learn how to fix things
Learn how to make stuff
Learn how to dress better
Learn loads more random facts about animals
Learn loads more words and improve my vocabulary

Hopefully these things will all help me learn more about myself and what I ultimately want from life, and, if not, they will just make me better at doing stuff. Which is a good thing.

Lets see how it goes.

What have I been doing?

I haven't posted a proper blog in bloody ages. I have this strange personality trait: if I don't do something for a long time, I start to question why I even do it. Like going out. If I have a long spell of not going on a night out, I wonder why I even do it in the first place, I have a little strange argument in my head, and talk myself out of doing it, time and time again. Then, eventually I will go out, have an amazing time, and later have the same argument in my head asking why I would ever want to stay in of an evening. Are you with me? Is that normal?

Either way, I keep picking up my phone or my laptop with the full intention of writing a blog, then I think "why am I even writing a blog?" and I end up on Google, looking at pictures of Nicole Scherzinger's rear end.

So, why blog?

I started this because... Well, see my first post, it was just something to do. But now? Now I guess I just want to have something saved somewhere. I want the crap that is in my head to be etched, forever, onto a tiny piece of cyberspace.
The fact that people are actually reading this is very flattering, and I love you, whomever you are, for taking the time to read this shit! It's true purpose though, I have discovered, is for me. I hope I continue writing it for a long time, to see how my thoughts and opinions change over time. Maybe the person reading this is me, with a greyer beard, a balder head and sorer feet. If that's the case, Hello, Old Me, sorry I am not more entertaining. Are you using futuristic 4D virtual reality to read this?

I have thought about my life a lot recently. I am coming towards the end of my prime, next year I turn 30, my chances of becoming a rock star have all gone, and I haven't really achieved anything.

That's a very intense thing to say, "I haven't achieved anything". I have a house, a job, and I come home to a smoking hot girl who's company I enjoy (old me, you best still be with Jen), I have made the most amazing friends and have the most amazing memories with them, with plenty more to come.
10 years ago, however, I don't think this is how I pictured myself. The only similarity is that I didn't want kids then, and I don't want kids now. Maybe I thought I would have a better job, and more money, and a grown up passtime, like guns... Or golf. I think I thought I would have responsibilities. There it is, the key word, responsibility.

I have done my best to avoid responsibility for my whole life. I always seem to link power and responsibility with stress and worries. Perhaps 28 years of Spider-Man and Batman have put that idea into my head. Anybody who knows me, though, knows that I lead a pretty stress-free, laid back life, and I like it like that (I still find plenty of things to moan about).

So, when will I start being responsible for things? When will I achieve something? I didn't even learn to drive until I was 26. I learned to drive, I crashed my Mum's car, I bought a new one, it cost loads of money, I got caught speeding, twice, my insurance went up, I got stressed, I was skint, I sold my car.... Shazam! Stress gone. See my point? So the question is, do I want responsibility? The answer right now is No. I am happy!
I will one day, I know I will, I'll get bored, when that day comes, I will get a dog!

I haven't really given Old Me an insight into how the world was when this was written, have I? I have just wrote about what a lazy fuck I am.

Well, Old Me and whomever else is still reading, I am writing this on a smartphone, and it is taking much longer than I had hoped, because I have a song I heard on the radio stuck in my head. The song is by Pitbull, who is crap, and the lyrics go
"grab somebody sexy tell them "hey, give me everything tonight, I want all of you tonight, because we may not get tomorrow"."
.... Imagine if I actually did go up to a sexy girl, GRAB HER and say
"Hi, I'm Foxon, I want you, all of you, and it has to be tonight... We might be dead tomorrow",
I would get a slap! Maybe even a stiff knee to the balls. Who knows, maybe I would be dead the next day, because of the bouncers in the club beating me to death for sexually harassing somebody sexy. Stupid song!!

Ok, this is the end. I will try to not leave it as long next time. Best go wash the dishes, and not go on Google... I hate having responsibilities, did I mention that?

My dream about Andrea McLean

Just this second woke up, I am writing this because I will forget.

In my dream, me and Jen went on a boating holiday with Andrea McLean of off Loose Women. We all watched a film called Nazi psychos, which involved Pritchard, off of Dirty Sanchez, trying to piss off a pair of Nazi psychos but escaping before they attacked him. Andrea explained to me that she keeps a key in her belly button and we would need it to put the tv away, but when you remove it, she falls asleep. She trusted me and I removed it, she fell asleep, and then, former England and Liverpool goalkeeper, David James said it would be hilarious to dye her hair ginger. We did. When she woke up she explained that the joke was on us and pulled off the ginger hair, to reveal her brown hair. She said people do it all the time, and the only person who ever got away with it was Derren Brown.

What the Dickens is wrong with me?

Keep Calm and Kermit on

In 1939 a propaganda poster was introduced to the civilian workers of war stricken Great Britain. Intended to keep moral high and keep the hands working during times of anguish, or even impending Nazi attacks, the poster featured a solid red background with a crown and the words "Keep Calm and Carry On". Fantastic!

The poster was rediscovered in 2000, and got a classy re-issue, a few companies took the poster on, and it could be found in boutiques and high-brow art and culture outlets. It was a nostalgic reminder of the 'stiff upper lip' attitude of bygone Britain, and even though I am not even slightly patriotic, it all created a romantic mental picture of a proud nation pulling together and an Englishman standing tall and proud, ready to defeat evil. An image that should be cherished forever, and never forgotten. Patriotic or not. Fantastic.

Yesterday I saw a woman, with greasy blonde hair, grey roots, thick drawn on eyebrows about 2 inches above her eyes, ripped sweat pants and flip-flops. She was pushing a pram, in which sat a boy who looked old enough to be sitting his GCSEs, let alone walking (slight exaggeration), and attached to the pram was a dirty, tatty pink tote bag, with cheap foil print, featuring a badly drawn ladies shoe and the words "Keep Glam and Go Shopping".

Romantic image ruined. Well done Britain! Fantastic...

Seeing that aged witch, clinging on to her youth, dressed up silly and wearing far too much make-up reminded me: It's October, Halloween soon!!!! Fantastic!!!!

Jen and I have decided to throw a Halloween party. I hope it's a success. In the past I have dressed up as Zombies, Ninja, Mexicans, Insane Clowns, even a certain female Tomb Raider. This year, me and Jen decided we want our costumes to match, and dress as a duo. Immediately I decided on Kermit and Miss Piggy, with myself being the glamorous, blonde pig. Jen wasn't as keen as me. So, we have decided on a different dastardly and mischievous duo, and we have started putting together our costumes, watch this space.
My character is one that has been done to death recently, so I need to make sure I perfect it and go to town with it. Which is an excuse to dress up and wear make-up before Halloween.

...like I needed an excuse.

Dirty Old Men

Yesterday, Kevin and I delved into the strange world of the bizarre, we went to an Alternative and Burlesque fair at Sound Control in Manchester. We went with the intent of taking many pictures of many weird, wonderful and creative people who have little or no interest in what the mainstream world thinks of them. Despite the sign upon entry forbidding it, there were many people carrying SLR cameras and snapping pictures of the lovely performers and latex-clad models, so we finally got our cameras out and joined them.

Later, in the pub, we talked about the photographers, and Kev came to the realisation that almost all of the photographers looked like that which could be described as "dirty old men". I really hope that is not how we came across, because, even though I do like female curvy parts dressed in shiny fabrics, I have a genuine interest in the alternative lifestyle and really enjoy being around people who live it. Maybe next time I will wear a bit of eye-liner and tighter trousers in an attempt to fit in more.

Either way, here are a couple of photographs I took during the Eustratia fashion show, which was dark, atmospheric and entertaining, and the models were beautiful. The bright stage lighting and rules against the use of flashes meant almost all of my pictures came out very noisy, but, with thanks to Kev giving me a few shooting tips, I got a few photographs I like.

...and, of course, here is a link to the designer  http://www.eustratia.co.uk/

I think I think too much

Isn't it awkward when you walk out of a shop, or any kind of building, and somebody is walking in the direction you want to go, at the same speed, but you only clock them when it's too late and you are alongside them, total strangers walking together like a married couple? Common sense would tell you to slow down, but you don't, you speed up, what right has this person to walk ahead of you? The other person also picks up his pace too and, before long, you are stuck in a strange, married couple, power walking race.

I think too much.
Now, when I say "I think too much", I don't mean I dwell on such awkward situations, or lose sleep thinking about insults that have been thrown my way or how I could have handled myself better in an argument. I don't really care about people's opinions of me, I handle awkwardness pretty well, and, Jen will back me up, I have absolutely no trouble sleeping. I have also never said a sentence like "what do you think she meant when she said it's not me, it's her?" or "do you think he hates me?".

No, when I say "I think too much" I mean that, as I am getting older, simple things are starting to confuse me more, and it's driving me mad!

Let me explain (or try to). Media is becoming too clever. Remember back in the day, nobody knew why the blue hedgehog wanted to run dead fast and collect rings, but it didn't matter, and we enjoyed Sonic's mad adventures regardless. Today, a single video game can have about 60 different storylines, they encourage you to take detours, use your initiative and look for secrets.
Films are the same, remember when you first saw The Matrix, or Donnie Darko, and you left the film with thousands of questions, massive discussions were had about the plots, subplots and plot-holes. More recently, films like Inception and Cabin in the Woods force you to read between the lines just to figure out what in the blue hell is going on.

This really is brilliant, as media has become more advanced, it is making its audience think more, therefore we're becoming cleverer, and as people get smarter, our entertainment will continue to get better. Fantastic, right?

No, it is becoming a problem for me. I like to think I have always been quite clever, even when I was mindlessly guiding the blue hedgehog towards his goal.
Now, when 28 year old me is playing a game, I search the entire place where I am, top to bottom, front to back, left to right, throughly, before moving on, just in case I miss something, or do something wrong.

Films and books are the same, I find myself filling in plot-holes and trying to predict twists before the story has even begun, and this is not as rewarding as it sounds.

I recently watched a great film called Hobo With A Shotgun... The title says exactly what it is, it's about a homeless man who goes to a city that is completely corrupt, befriends a hooker, buys a shot-gun and inserts his own brand of justice to the city, blasting the shit out of everything. A really simple idea, not much thought required and a whole load of fun. I, however, found myself trying to find hidden meanings, analysing everything that was said and reading between the lines. This film didn't require that, everything was to be taken at face value and I just couldn't, so I found the film rather confusing.

It's now happening with everything, I can read a lovely little article on discovery news or howstuffworks.com, and I end up reading each line 4 or 5 times. It becomes a tangle of over analysis in my head and I just get confused. It's even beginning to happen with text messages and blogs.

Is this normal? I think I need to just keep things simple inside my brain, see things for their face value, stop reading between the lines and just enjoy that which is meant to be enjoyed as the artist intended.

...either that or play Sonic The Hedgehog more.