My dream about Andrea McLean

Just this second woke up, I am writing this because I will forget.

In my dream, me and Jen went on a boating holiday with Andrea McLean of off Loose Women. We all watched a film called Nazi psychos, which involved Pritchard, off of Dirty Sanchez, trying to piss off a pair of Nazi psychos but escaping before they attacked him. Andrea explained to me that she keeps a key in her belly button and we would need it to put the tv away, but when you remove it, she falls asleep. She trusted me and I removed it, she fell asleep, and then, former England and Liverpool goalkeeper, David James said it would be hilarious to dye her hair ginger. We did. When she woke up she explained that the joke was on us and pulled off the ginger hair, to reveal her brown hair. She said people do it all the time, and the only person who ever got away with it was Derren Brown.

What the Dickens is wrong with me?

Keep Calm and Kermit on

In 1939 a propaganda poster was introduced to the civilian workers of war stricken Great Britain. Intended to keep moral high and keep the hands working during times of anguish, or even impending Nazi attacks, the poster featured a solid red background with a crown and the words "Keep Calm and Carry On". Fantastic!

The poster was rediscovered in 2000, and got a classy re-issue, a few companies took the poster on, and it could be found in boutiques and high-brow art and culture outlets. It was a nostalgic reminder of the 'stiff upper lip' attitude of bygone Britain, and even though I am not even slightly patriotic, it all created a romantic mental picture of a proud nation pulling together and an Englishman standing tall and proud, ready to defeat evil. An image that should be cherished forever, and never forgotten. Patriotic or not. Fantastic.

Yesterday I saw a woman, with greasy blonde hair, grey roots, thick drawn on eyebrows about 2 inches above her eyes, ripped sweat pants and flip-flops. She was pushing a pram, in which sat a boy who looked old enough to be sitting his GCSEs, let alone walking (slight exaggeration), and attached to the pram was a dirty, tatty pink tote bag, with cheap foil print, featuring a badly drawn ladies shoe and the words "Keep Glam and Go Shopping".

Romantic image ruined. Well done Britain! Fantastic...

Seeing that aged witch, clinging on to her youth, dressed up silly and wearing far too much make-up reminded me: It's October, Halloween soon!!!! Fantastic!!!!

Jen and I have decided to throw a Halloween party. I hope it's a success. In the past I have dressed up as Zombies, Ninja, Mexicans, Insane Clowns, even a certain female Tomb Raider. This year, me and Jen decided we want our costumes to match, and dress as a duo. Immediately I decided on Kermit and Miss Piggy, with myself being the glamorous, blonde pig. Jen wasn't as keen as me. So, we have decided on a different dastardly and mischievous duo, and we have started putting together our costumes, watch this space.
My character is one that has been done to death recently, so I need to make sure I perfect it and go to town with it. Which is an excuse to dress up and wear make-up before Halloween.

...like I needed an excuse.